


Motor Boy

by Starlightsins



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: I don't really know what to tag without spoiling the story too much oof, M/M, ask to tag!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 11:40:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15773379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlightsins/pseuds/Starlightsins
Summary: When his mysterious love interest, Keith, is kidnapped right before his eyes, Lance must go on a mission to save him.





	Motor Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Hi this is my first fic! I hope y'all enjoy c:

     Lance hadn’t meant to stare at the short, raven-haired boy working on a rusty red motorcycle. He shouldn’t have looked at him to begin with, he was in the middle of a Mario Kart 8 Deluxe race.

  
     “Blue shell?! Seriously, Pidge?!” Lance cried in dismay upon returning his attention to his friend’s Nintendo Switch console.

  
     “Get wrecked, scrub.” Pidge snickered, swooping into first place.

     Hunk followed suit, red shelling Lance and stealing second. The merciless horde of CPU descended upon him soon after, unleashing a legion of shells and annihilating any chance he had at victory. Huffing in defeat, Lance resigned to returning his attention to the mysterious motorcycle dude. Grease coating his arms, the mulleted hottie stood from his crouched position, beaming down at his bike. He came here every week, always on the same day, always working on his motorcycle. Why he chose to work on it at a Sonic (America’s Drive-Thru) was beyond Lance, but he certainly didn’t mind the show.  
     While Pidge and Hunk bickered over what settings the next set of races should have, Lance stealthily slid his iPhone 6 out of his pocket and took a picture of bike boy.

…

     But oh, he was so McFuckin’ dead.  
     He was beyond dead. In fact, he’d practically crossed over to the spirit realm, any last traces of his conscious removed from this universe.  
     Hopefully his friends had listened to all of his funeral idea suggestions, because he was indeed so very dead.  
     Lance, being the impulsive person he was, hadn’t turned his flash off before taking a creepshot of motorcycle man. Worse, Lance had hit record instead of taking a photo. In fact, Lance was still recording, watching biker babe with a mortified expression. The dark haired dreamboat stared at Lance in shock for a few seconds before smirking and pulling his ugly mullet into an even uglier mess of a ponytail.

  
     God, did this guy know anything about hair? Lance shivered, slightly disgusted and slightly excited. Ugly hair was one of those things he found attractive, especially ugly long hair, the longer and the uglier, the better.

  
     “The name’s Keith!” weirdly attractive biker guy shouted, winking with both eyes at Lance, pulling him out of his kinky gross hair thoughts.  
_Keith. Fuckkk._  
     Lance’s cheeks flushed bright pink. In addition to his ugly hair kink, he also had an ugly name kink. Nothing was more alluring to him than an ugly name, and Keith just so happened to be the ugliest fucking name he had ever heard.  
_Damn, he’s the total package._

  
     Lance continued to record as Keith took off his unfashionable red cropped jacket, revealing a shirt proclaiming Wiggler from Mario Kart 7 (playable on the Nintendo 3DS and 2DS) and the Annoying Orange as his OTP. Lance gasped, amazed they both had the same OTP.  
_How much more perfect can he become?_

  
     Pidge nudged Lance roughly with her elbow, signaling to him that the next Mario Kart 8 Deluxe race on her Nintendo Switch console had started and showing off her newly sharpened elbows. She recently got an elbow sharpener, and damn, it really was working wonders for her. Her elbows were sharp enough to stab cleanly through a watermelon, enabling her to play real-life Fruit Ninja. She offered to let Lance borrow her elbow sharpener when Hunk was done with it, and Lance honestly couldn’t wait. He wanted elbows so sharp they’d be the only weapons he’d need in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

  
      Plus, he once heard Keith telling one of the servers at Sonic that he had a huge pointy elbow kink. The server hadn’t been very interested, especially when Keith didn’t stop talking about it after five minutes and instead rambled about his pointy elbow kink for five hours in great detail. That had been the best five hours of Lance’s entire life, even better than the five hours he had spent crouched in a sewer, dressed like Pennywise. Between the foul odor of the sewer (Lance was reeeeaaalllyyy into repulsive smells) and all of the long, ugly hairs he had found, he had had a very erotic and joyous time in that sewer. Especially when some kid stuck his hand in the sewer and Lance bit off the tips of the people’s fingers.  
_Damn, those were some tasty nibblets._

  
     Shifting his focus back to the present, Lance nearly started drooling as Keith’s weak noodle arms reached into his backpack and pulled out a gallon of ketchup. The gallon almost snapped Keith’s weak noodle arms in half, but, after humming the Gravity Falls theme song under his breath, he managed to lift the gallon and began pouring the ketchup all over his motorcycle. The rank stench of the apparently expired ketchup drifted over to Lance’s nostrils, turning him on even more. Alas, just as Keith was about to rub his pathetic excuse for a ponytail all over his ketchupy bike, the unthinkable happened.

     A sleek, mustard yellow van with a large togedemaru decal pulled up in front of Keith, blocking Lance’s view of the delicious devil. The van pulled away after five seconds, taking Keith with it but leaving a large, mysterious neon green poster. Lance used his iPhone 6’s camera to zoom in on the poster.  
“Yo, I like totally kidnapped this yummy man candy and stuff and I can’t wait to jab my pointy elbows in his eye sockets. -xoxo Allurliciousness  
-P.S. my address is 10 Cloverfield Lane and I’m totally open to jabbing my elbows in some other hottie’s eye sockets. Just bring me a large Mountain Dew and seven tacos (hard shell, meat and cheese only!) from Taco Bell. <3”

     “Pidge, hand me my keys.” Lance hissed, pocketing his iPhone 6. Pidge complied, using her secret third arm so she didn’t have to take her present two hands off of her Nintendo Switch joystick while she played Mario Kart 8 Deluxe on her Nintendo Switch console with Hunk. Lance ripped open a salt packet, snorting it in one snort as he jingled his keys anxiously, steeling himself for his next venture: rescuing Keith.  
I’ll be damned if someone with a cool name like Allurliciousness gets to jab their elbows in Keith’s eye sockets before I do.  
With practiced ease, Lance rolled out of his seat and backflipped off of a table, grabbing on to the railing of Sonic’s roof and sweeping himself onto the grey platform. Lance continued to jingle his keys, eyes scanning the cloudless sky. A sudden screeeeeeee broke through the air.

Shiro.

     Gliding through the air like a bullet, Shiro approached Lance, his large, honking toddies bouncing. Boy howdy, did Shiro’s tasty toddies look even honkier than usual. Lance wished he could jab his elbows in Shiro’s hot, honking toddies just once, but unfortunately Shiro swore to Rebus (Reba McCentire, the real jesus) that he’d only let someone jab their elbows in his honking toddies once the two of them were married and bound together for life by a death pact. Jab his toddies and ‘til death do you part.

  
     When Shiro grew close enough, he adjusted his position so he was gliding on his back, his chest aimed towards the sky. Lance quickly leapt off of the roof, landing with his face between Shiro’s honking toddies. _Damn that felt good._ Not eager to make a death pact, Lance quickly sat up, legs straddling Shiro’s toned abdomen. He reached in his jacket pocket and pulled out that tissue Keith had used last week and carelessly thrown away into a trash can instead of burning. The fool, didn’t he realise someone could use the DNA (deoxyribonucleic acid) in his snot to make a clone of him? But haha who would do that, who has an amazing grasp of biology and has been experimenting with cloning living organisms, haha. Certainly not Lance. Haha. _HA._

  
      Lance pressed his precious DNA sample of Keith to Shiro’s nose, helping him to better track the van that kidnapped the hottie Lance was totally not planning on making a clone of. Haha. _HA._ Shiro adjusted his course and the pair flew quickly toward that abandoned Chuck E Cheese’s that someone was transforming into a Chuck E. Rebus.

  
     “Shiro, I’m sorry my face touched your toddies but we don’t have time for this right now. We need to rescue Keith, then we can all go to Chuck E. Rebus together, alright?” Lance spoke soothingly, sticking a finger up Shiro’s nose.

     Shiro reluctantly whinnied in agreement, probably only agreeing because Lance was getting that little plastic cherry from Hi Ho Cherry-O unstuck from his nose. God, Shiro hated those things. He could never resist sticking them in his nose and they always got stuck. He’s currently had this one stuck in his nose for six weeks. Luckily for him, Lance’s fingers were like a skeleton key and they were perfect for getting things out of noses.

  
     With Shiro’s nose cleared, the two pals began to soar in pursuit of the mustard yellow van with a togedemaru decal that took Keith. On the way, they stopped at a Taco Bell. Shiro’s toddies needed something nutritious and Lance needed to get that stuff for Allurliciousness. It was a win-win.

     Before entering the Taco Bell, Lance exchanged his cool ass Vans for a pair of sixteen inch heels. He never ordered food unless he was taller than the server, it made him more confident. Upon entering the Taco Bell though, Lance was faced with a horrid sight. The server was wearing seventeen inch heels. This was not going to end well.

     “Hi, welcome to Taco Bell, what can I get for you?” the server asked, smiling as if he was innocent, the little punk, he probably wore those fucking heels on purpose just to upstage Lance. Seriously, seventeen inch heels? Who does that?!  
     “Hey, Lotion. I’ll take a large Mountain Dew, seven hard shell tacos, meat and cheese only, and a cherry Fanta.” Lance smiled with venom, purposely getting the server’s name wrong.

  
     “Sorry, but the name’s Lotor. If you need some lotion though then I can totally give you some, your elbows look like they could use it, and a sharpener too, for that matter.”

  
     “Are you saying my elbows aren’t sharp?”

  
     “Here’s your drinks, your food will be done shortly.” Lotor gave Lance a customer service smile, bending slightly to hand Lance his drinks. Lance set the large Mountain Dew down, but kept an iron-tight grip on his cherry Fanta.

  
     “Y’know, I think I’ll take you up on your lotion offer, if you don’t mind that is.” Lance faked a smile, doing his sparkly anime eyes. Lotor blinked in surprise before reaching for his sexy black Prada purse.

  
     “Okay, sure-” Lotor’s sentence came to a premature end as Lance splashed the cherry Fanta all over his face. An unearthly shriek escaped Lotor as he fell to the floor, dissolving into a puddle of sad old person tears. Lance quickly stepped over the counter, taking Lotor’s heels from the puddle and switching them with his own. While he was at it, he took Lotor’s elbow sharpener and sexy black Prada purse. He sharpened his elbows while he waited for his tacos for Allurliciousness to finish cooking. Shiro dug through Lotor’s purse and found a pair of Gucci sunglasses and that lotion Lotor offered Lance. He quickly took his tight shirt off and began to lather his delicious honking toddies with the lotion, instantly attracting the whole restaurant’s attention. Several cars in the parking lot crashed, and a small fire started, but seeing Shiro’s honking toddies made it all worthwhile.

     The tacos finished pretty quickly after Shiro mentioned he was friends with Lance. Lance didn’t have to pay for any of the food either, vanquishing Lotor had been payment enough. The Taco Bell manager, however, rrrrreeeeaaaalllllyyyy wanted those seventeen inch heels. Shiro distracted him though by flexing his honking toddies while Lance escaped with the shoes. With the food secured to his honking toddies and Lance straddling his abdomen, Shiro took off flying at a breakneck speed. He knew he was going this fast because once Pidge’s brother Matt fell off of Shiro when he was flying at this speed and he broke his neck. Well, it wasn’t the fall that broke his neck, it was really Shiro landing on Matt’s neck that broke it, but minor details like that are irrelevant, especially when it saves Shiro from legal trouble.

  
     Shiro did not like legal trouble. In fact, Shiro did not even like authority figures such as police officers.

  
     In fact, he loved them. Once, he got engaged to the entire L.A. P.D. That had been the best week of Shiro’s life, that is until he got one of those damn plastic cherries from Hi Ho Cherry-O stuck in his nose at the wedding so he kept making weird snorting sounds while he gave his vows. Some people find snorting noises incredibly attractive, but the L.A. P.D. did not and someone called animal control because they thought Shiro was being possessed by a pig. Or turning into a pig like in Spirited Away (the Studio Ghibli film) how that girl’s parents turned into pigs. Some pigs can be pretty large animals, growing to sizes up to a bit over four feet tall and weighing around 1,600 pounds. Pigs, like Shiro, are omnivores, meaning they consume both meat and plants so they can’t be vegan. Also like Shiro, pigs are very intelligent and social animals. Knowing this might make one wonder why they haven’t been invited to a pig party, but one can find solace in knowing that they probably aren’t cool enough to be invited to a pig party in first place. Furthermore, how many pigs does one know on a personal level? If one knows no pigs, then one cannot expect to be invited to a pig’s party. In other words, one can “[g]et wrecked, scrub” (Pidge 1). But anyways, Shiro’s wedding with the L.A. P.D. was completely ruined and honestly, Shiro hasn’t quite been the same since. He’d never tell anyone this though, for fear of someone taking advantage of his vulnerability so they could fondle his honking toddies.

     Shiro and Lance flew across town to a huge hot pink castle with white, lime green, and black accents. Between the architecture and the sick color scheme, it looked cool as fuck honestly. Lance took several pictures for his Snapchat story before he climbed off of Shiro and rang the doorbell at the castle’s gates. Shiro shifted from levitating on his back to standing on his feet, unstrapping the Taco Bell food from his honking toddies and holding it carefully in his thick, muscular arms.

     They waited for five minutes before a deep, excited voice burst through the speakers.  
     “H-hewwo? Awe you visitows? Alluwliciousness and I wuv guests! Come on in befowe I glomp you cuties with my tail!”

     The gates promptly slid open, while When I Grow Up by the Pussycat Dolls played through the speakers, allowing the boys clear access to the glamorous castle. Lance shrugged before clip clopping up to the castle in his seventeen inch heels. Shiro followed closely behind, nervously remembering all of the animorphic art he drew when he was a professor of molecular chemistry. Instead of writing actual grades on his students’ papers, he would draw an animorphic figure to symbolise the grade. A very good grade meant a curvy squirrel covering his modesty with an acorn that had an A+ on it. A good grade meant a raccoon, wearing a Pizza Hut delivery boy hat, holding an open box of pizza as an offering. On the pizza was an A. A decent grade meant a moody turtle skateboarding, a B etched onto its shell. An okay grade meant a sexy bird salsa dancing with a C. A kind of terrible grade meant a rabbit dressed like Selena Gomez getting hit by a car driven by a vulture with an awful bowl cut. A D was on the license plate of the car. A failing for sure grade meant a sad kitten licking an apple that had clearly been stomped on fifty-seven times by some other creature. An F was on the kitten’s shirt. Shiro had lasted four years grading papers like that before he was fired because his boss thought his art lacked depth and maturity, and “only Van Gogh paintings are acceptable as a substitute for writing grades.”

     When they reached the porch, both boys had to remove their shoes and socks in favor of donning green dinosaur foot slippers as per instructed by a sign above the castle door. After doing so, Lance knocked nervously on the door, hoping he wasn’t too late to rescue his ugly haired and ugly named hottie. A middle-aged man of average height with a large, curly ginger mustache opened the door eagerly. He was dressed in a gorgeous, teal, mermaid style wedding gown that not only complimented his figure, but adored it. Honestly, he looked fantastic, anyone would be lucky to marry him. A pair of ginger cat ears were perched atop his head along with a sparkly tiara. Shiro’s honking toddies quivered, lusting for an outfit like that to wear. His honking toddies loved nothing more than wearing lovely wedding gowns.

     “H-hewwo? Welcome, guests! I’m Coran, but you can call me Coran. Awe you hewe to see Alluwliciousness? She towd me she might have some mowe guests coming ovew watew.” The man spoke, grinning handsomely.

     “Uh, yeah. We brought Taco Bell.” Lance spoke nervously, gesturing to where Shiro’s thick, muscular arms clutched the food close to his honking toddies.

     “Vewy well then! Folwow me!” Coran led the boys down a bright hallway adorned with plush blood orange carpeting. Hundreds of pictures of Kyoko Kirigiri lined the golden walls. After walking for six hours, the three arrived at a tall door. Coran quickly excused himself, disappearing back down the hall, leaving Lance and Shiro alone to discover what lay beyond the mysterious door. Lance took the liberty of reading the neon pink sign on the door.

  
     “Yo, so this is like totally my room! Don’t like, don’t enter. -xoxo Allurliciousness.”

  
     Giving Shiro a nod, Lance slowly pushed open the large door. Only, the door would not budge.

After several more tries, Lance sighed in frustration. He turned to ask Shiro for help when he caught a whiff of a particularly foul odor. It almost smelled like…… expired chocolate that had been dipped in rotten eggs? Lance leaned closer to the door, inhaling deeply. _Yep, just as I thought._ He unhinged his bottom jaw like a snake and began the task of devouring the door. All in all, it took him about seven seconds. Shiro had a stopwatch to confirm this. With the door out of the way, the two trudged forward...

...only to be faced with another door of the same quality. Lance once again unhinged his jaw like a snake and devoured the door. This time he only took six seconds, quite impressive really. They had to go through this twenty-seven more times. Finally, they arrived at a door that was actually made out of wood. Lance would know, he tried to devour it and ended up with a mouthful of splinters. Shiro had to use all of his training from his childhood days of playing Operation to remove the splinters from Lance’s mouth. Unfortunately for Lance though, Shiro was terrible at Operation. Eighty less splinters and seven less teeth later, Lance knocked impatiently on the door. Instantly, Mr. Brightside by The Killers began booming on the other side of the door. Allurliciousness sure had a nice taste in music.

  
     After nine Mr. Brightsides then the entire Be More Chill soundtrack, the door slowly creaked open. Lance and Shiro entered the dark room cautiously, stumbling in the dark for a few seconds before a light on the other side of the room blinked on. The backside of a tall beef-ramen-themed spinny chair faced them, but a pair of legs clothed in cute sparkly mimikyu leggings and not sexy (Lance totally didn’t have a foot fetish, like feet? YUCK) feet wearing Five Nights at Freddy’s roller skates were visible. As the boys approached, the chair slowly turned around. Like seriously, this chair took fifteen minutes before it faced them completely, all the while it made a rusty shrieking sound. It could reeeeeally use some oil. A girl with stunning dark skin and beautiful, flowing silver hair (far more beautiful than Lotor’s) was perched in the chair, stroking a severed human leg far too muscular to be Keith’s. The heel on the leg’s foot rested in her palm as she raised its toes to her plump lips. She nibbled softly on the big toe as her dreamy crystal blue eyes examined Lance and Shiro.

     “I’m Allura, you can call me Allurliciousness. Are you here for some elbow-jabbing fun?” she spoke coolly after swallowing a large chunk of toe.

  
     “N-not exactly,” Lance visibly swallowed, “I’m here to rescue Keith.”

  
     “Rescue? Now there’s no need for that, honestly just hear me-” A sudden desperate clanging drew Lance’s attention away from Allurliciousness and toward a large metal cage. Inside the cage was a fun ball pit and none other than ugly-haired Keith. His eyes appeared intact, meaning Allurliciousness had yet to get to him.

     Allurliciousness stood suddenly, dropping her snack and lunging for Lance. The two tussled around on the floor for half an hour before calling it a draw. Shiro handed Allurliciousness the food they got for her at Taco Bell and she ate it eagerly.

     “Y’know, you guys are lots of fun.” she giggled, grinning wildly. She downed her large Mountain Dew in one gulp then burped the alphabet. Shiro’s honking toddies clapped together in applause.

  
     “So, will you let Keith go?” Lance asked, biting his lip nervously, despite knowing that action was ruining all of the hard work his key lime pie chapstick had been doing.

  
      “Sure, yeah,” she tossed him the keys to the cage. “Honestly, I wasn’t going to do anything with him anyways. Consent is important, and he didn’t want me to be the one to jab his eye sockets with my elbows. Also, I didn’t want to do that either. I’m actually not that kinky; I’m pretty vanilla. I just kidnapped him because I wanted someone to watch Freakish with me. It’s slightly creepy, and I hate watching creepy stuff alone. Turns out he’s already seen it though, and he kept giving me spoilers so I locked him in my ball pit while I watched both seasons of Freakish by myself.”

  
      “You like Freakish? Me too!” Shiro cheered. He and Allurliciousness began discussing season two of Freakish and the possibility of a third season while Lance strolled over to the ball pit cage.

     Inside the cage, Keith was juggling fifteen different colored plastic testicles. Teal, mahogany, silver, gold, crimson, violet, stormy blue, hot pink, yellow, yellow orange, blood orange, yellow green, dark green, leaf green, and lavender, Keith juggled them all effortlessly, winking at Lance seductively. After taking thirteen videos for his Snapchat story, Lance unlocked the cage. Keith immediately dropped all of the testicles he was juggling and raced out of the cage. He pulled Lance into a tight embrace, an embrace so tight he broke three of Lance’s ribs.

  
     “Y’know, I n-never caught your name.” Keith whispered in Lance’s ear, doing an ugly Southern accent. Rebus fuck did Lance love ugly accents.

  
     “The name’s Lance.” Lance breathed, ghosting his lips over the hole on the side of Keith’s head where his ear should have been. The two remained locked in a tight embrace for three more years before separating.

     “Y’know, your elbows are really um sh-sharp.” Keith stuttered, a puddle of drool collecting around his ankles.

     “I know, it’s a shame I don’t have anyone to use these babies on.”

     “Y-you could use them on me. I mean, if you want to that is.” A deep red flush settled over Keith’s cheeks as a grin spread across Lance’s. Within an instant, Keith’s throaty moans rang across the room as Lance jabbed his elbows in Keith’s eye sockets.

 

After he got out of the hospital, Keith began dating Lance. They got married while wearing Shrek cosplay and they named their adopted daughter Sasuke.

 

The End~

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as part of a bad fanfic writing contest with my sister! Needless to say, I won oops.  
> If you're into Miraculous Ladybug stay tuned! I'll be writing one for that.  
> I'm also writing a serious fic, a Klance Freakish au.


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